I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
