I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
