I think i sorta joined a cult last night
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
