There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
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I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
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Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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