true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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