if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
