just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
