WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
