Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
