I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
