call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
