I wish life had little blips of pornography
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
