update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
