twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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