do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I queefed so loud it echoed.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I have feelings that need drinking.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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