It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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