Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
