dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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