Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
should my penis look like a turkey
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
This is my gift to your gina
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
