i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
