Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
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He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
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I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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