i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
why do cheetos always look like penises
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
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