oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
