I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
