I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
