Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
i need to put some appletini on your dick
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
