The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Randomize
