where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
