I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
