remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
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Can vaginas get frostbite?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
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Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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