can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
