Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Sext me about skeletons
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
