sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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