There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
27 Drunk People That Pissed Off The Cops And Got What They Deserved
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
These 25 Soulless Industries Have Been Scamming Us For Years
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?