it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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