Are we in a gay sports bar?
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN