The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks