She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Randomize
