apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
