Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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