I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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