I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
