So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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