..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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