Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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