can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
