The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
