What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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