All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
