Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
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He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
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He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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