what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
