I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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