3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
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