First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
