How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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