the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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