the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize