But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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