I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
