I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
