oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
