Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Hippo gnu deer
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
