I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
