if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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