respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
