eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
