do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
