yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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