She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
