you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Randomize
