dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
